Hi, I am a perfectionist and sometimes I have difficulty embracing imperfection. I like to be in control and when things don’t go as planned I don’t always handle it as calmly as I wished I would. I sometimes (most times) set unrealistic expectations of myself and how I want an experience with my kiddos to go. For example, I think everyone wants the picture perfect Christmas morning, filled with feelings of warmth and love and bliss. But honestly, has anyone EVER experienced ONLY these feelings on Christmas? No. There are moments of bliss, but there are also breaking up sibling fights, overcooking the cinnamon buns, sugar crash tantrums, you name it.
And these less than ideal moments shouldn’t dilute the good feelings and the moments you cherish. But most times I would let the chaos overshadow the cheer. And then feel guilty about being disappointed.
Why Do I have Trouble Embracing Imperfection?
Why am I ruining good memories by only focusing on the bad? Before having kids my husband and I played golf. As you can guess, my perfectionist tendencies made golf difficult to enjoy, at first. If I shanked a ball or missed a putt it was hard for me to let it go, but I kept at it and eventually I would make a shot I was proud of and want to do it again. My dad told me “golf is a game of highlights. No one talks about all the shots they missed. They re-live the ones they made and that’s what keeps them playing golf”. Dads are so wise.
No one talks about the shots they missed. They re-live the ones they made…
Now as a parent, I can see how embracing imperfection applies to the memories we make with our family. I can CHOOSE to focus on the highlights. So Christmas morning, maybe there are ungodly amounts of whining, and I overcook the cinnamon buns again, but having a quiet moment on the couch with a warm cup of coffee before the magic of the morning begins, watching my kids play together or sharing a quiet moment with my husband fills me with joy and I am choosing to not let the less than perfect moments steal my joy.
How Do I Start Embracing Imperfection?
Ok so I am now choosing to focus on the good moments, but what if there aren’t any?
Yikes.
I need to adjust what I view as a highlight. Before, if something with the kiddos didn’t go exactly as planned it felt like a failure. Only accepting perfection meant that I would feel negative and grumpy and thus guilty that I was further ruining the experience. Serious downward spiral, I know. This is where the perspective of “good enough” was life changing for me. Resetting my expectations and releasing the idea of perfection. For me, that looked like:
“The outing to the aquarium went ok”
“The new naptime routine was fine. It will get better.”
“That road trip was not our best, but we got there.”
All of these experiences weren’t perfect, but they were good enough.
Being Happy with Good Enough
The idea of good enough also applies to the standards I hold myself too. My internal dialogue can be cruel. I would never say the things I say to myself out loud, let alone someone else. So what that I didn’t sweep, mop and vacuum before company came over, I cleaned the bathrooms and moved the toys off the couch and for today that was good enough. Its ok that I got upset when my kid wouldn’t brush their teeth, I took a moment to calm down and then I apologized. My actions weren’t perfect but they were good enough.
It sounds silly to type out the trivial things in motherhood that are triggering for me, but adopting this idea of doing something “good enough” and embracing imperfection helps me be more kind to my kids and myself.
The Mother Good Enough Blog
The idea of good enough is why I started this blog. Instead of never starting for fear of it not being perfect or ready, I am striving for good enough. I want to share the things I have learned as a parent and tips from parent-friends, grandparents and non-parents that can help other parents feel good enough. Tips for staying organized (control in the chaos), easy meals (actually easy) , kiddo activities (for snow days, holidays and when you just need. a. minute) and other things that make me feel good (books, wellness and hobbies). My hope is that the idea of good enough can resonate with others. Together we can embrace imperfection and share how we thrive as parents.
And who knows, things may go went better than expected.
Resources
If you are looking for more info on how to embrace your imperfections check out The Gifts of Imperfection. This book pulled me out of a dark place and helped me be ok with Mom Guilt. Highly recommend!
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